Channeling

Henry turns five months on the fifth of June. I have a child. He is spectacular.

There are many moments in the day when I wonder if I am parenting properly. Is it too windy to have him outside? Have I washed my hands enough? Should I make him nap in his bed instead of in my arms or the mamaRoo or on whatever flat and clean surface is near wherever we happen to be when he falls asleep? It is hard to keep up with all of my fears.

In years past, I pictured myself as a chill kind of mother. Think Diane Keaton in The Family Stone. I wanted to be the Zen mom with a serious dose of calm for everyone. I'm not there yet. I'm not anywhere close. I still have hope that maybe one day I will arrive.

I'm looking for a tribe - those who have gone before and can say with authority, "Peace to you." And as long as I'm wishing, I would like to order some sleep. Lack of sleep makes folks crazy. I'm getting there fast, and with bleary eyes I'm going to love on my soon to be five month old until we both find a nap and then we will get up and start again. Spectacular I tell you!